I think I'm ready.....

Well, I think I'm finally ready... to go back to work...
I took some time off from nursing after my Grandmother passed away in November of last year. To be honest, I wasn't sure I'd ever go back. I was physically & emotionally drained after caring for "My Princess" for 18 months (the last 7 months equaled 24 hour care & the last 4 months equaled Hospice care, all of which I did on my own, with the exception of the times my children & hubby helped). I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat to have her back, but her death left me feeling empty, like I had no more to give... I got my first job in a nursing home when I was 17 years old (I'm 34 now). Seventeen years of taking care of people. I'm not complaining, I always knew it was what I would do. Well, since I was 4 years old I knew, that's when my Grandmother & I decided my future, so that I could take care of her when she got older. Once I did that, I felt like "my job is done". Little did I know that after 17 years.... it's who I've become.... I take care of people.....and I'm good at it....and I'm kind of lost without it. My hubby pointed it out to me the other day....told me he thought I was ready.....that I'm miserable sitting at home all the time.....and listening to my friends talk about their day at work.... what this resident did.....what that resident said. So, yesterday, I filled out an application for a local nursing home that a friend of mine works at....I know the Director of Nursing there, I've worked with her before... not in this particular facility...she also works in another nursing home as an RN Supervisor. My girlfriend took my application in to work with her yesterday....and the DON called me yesterday & asked me to come in today for an interview....so, I sat & thought about it last night. Am I really ready? Yeah, I think I am. I think it's going to be hard at first.... alot of reminders of my time spent caring for my Grandmother.... but I'm a tough cookie.... I can handle it.... I'm sure some tears will be shed at first..... but it's who I am..... I need to take care of people..... my kids are young adults & pretty much do their own thing. I guess that's why I've been miserable... no one to really "take care" of. I made one other attempt to go back to nursing a little while after my Grandmother passed away.... I WAS NOT ready ! I pulled in to the parking lot of the nursing home I worked at before quitting to take care of my Grandmother, to ask them for my job back...and I burst into tears....I couldn't even get out of the car! I drove back home in tears & decided that that was it... nursing was over for me...guess I was wrong. The hubby noticed this morning, that I'm not as miserable as I have been lately, so I told him about the interview (I hadn't said anything to him...in case I couldn't do it...in case I burst into tears again before ever making it out of my car...in case I just wasn't ready yet). He had tears in his eyes as he hugged me before he left for work this morning.....told me he was glad I finally realized that this is what I NEED to do...that it's who I am.....so I just want to say Thank You to him....for always knowing me better than I know myself.....for knowing what I need before I ever realize it myself...and for supporting my decisions (1st when I needed the time away from nursing ~ he sucked it up big time to cover all the bills...and never once complained... and again for my decision to go back). Love ya Baby !!